Reclaim Your Kitchen Table

Most of my favorite memories growing up occurred around our kitchen table. I’m deeply thankful for the fun we had most evenings during our family dinner. We enjoyed hearing how the day went for the six of us (sometimes seven or eight…). As we got older, my brothers would time the punchline to their jokes just as I slurped some soup into my mouth. Supper got disgusting at times….

It’s almost become an epidemic – our lives getting so busy, our budgets (and pants…) getting so tight, our homes getting so hurried that we don’t make time for dinner each night for family and friends. It probably sounds quaint, old-fashioned, and plainly unrealistic for many people. But: what ifwhat if you reclaimed your kitchen table….

Studies show that families that put in the work to rearrange schedules in order to prepare dinner together around five nights a week tend to build more resilience and happiness into their lives. There is something powerful about supper with others at home. When it’s with people who care for each other, a meal together is healing, uniting, almost sacred. It’s a form of what we call communion.

We see this in a story of Jesus and Levi the tax-collector, from the gospel according to Mark. A little background first: In the Ancient Near East of the Mediterranean world, to share a meal was to welcome them as ones you trust, it conferred dignity and signified they were under your protection. It was a sacred duty to extend hospitality to family, friends, and especially strangers. Hospitality around the table was also the key to turning enemies into loved ones.

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In this story, Jesus saw a fellow Jew named Levi overseeing a Roman Imperial tax collection booth. This made Levi a traitor in the eyes of his neighbors. But Jesus loves surprises, and he loves to turn enemies into friends, so he invites Levi to “Follow me.” What do you know, but “Levi got up and followed him.”

The next line in the story is fascinating: “While Jesus was having dinner at Levi’s house, many tax collectors and sinners were eating with him and his disciples, for there were many who followed him.” Levi threw a dinner of thankfulness to Jesus, one that he invited his friends to. This is what we call communion – people coming together with Jesus. Or you can call it Eucharist, because it is marked by joy and gratitude.

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The reconciled companionship that began to emerge between Jesus and the sinners drew a protest from the purity-focused Pharisees. They saw how significant this table-sharing was, and the transformation that was occurring. They asked Jesus’ disciples, “Why does he eat with tax collectors and sinners?” Jesus’ reply? “It’s not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” Salvation through suppertime!

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Reclaim your kitchen table. It’s okay to rework your schedule to do dinner with friends. You have permission to not isolate yourself because of your busyness. The slowing down that comes from cutting up veggies or stirring up the salad can make space for being present with each other. It’s not about the food! A simple dinner prepared with love sets the tone for the hoped-for conversation. This is why holiday meals come loaded with expectations, and are rife with disappointments. We hope to have once or twice a year what we don’t practice regularly on any given week.

Levi opened up his table to Jesus as a way to say thanks. Jesus joined Levi at his table as a way for communion to flourish. What are the ways you could reclaim gratitude around your kitchen table? What if you could reclaim communion in your home through regular dinner times?

What keeps you from simple meals at the kitchen table with family and friends? What would it take to make it a regular part of your life? What doubts do you have about whether it would make a difference in your life? What do you have to lose by trying it? What do you have to gain?

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Here’s a fun example from “Meet the Parents” of dinner bringing people together…

When You Can’t Believe, Let Your Friends Faith Carry You

Let’s face it, believing in God isn’t always easy. Especially when you or those you love are in pain, and there are a mounting pile of unanswered prayers. It doesn’t help that we can’t see, hear, or hold onto God either.

It’s unique really, in our age, to be in a position to doubt the divine like we do. In the 7,000+ years of recorded history, humanity has been deeply religious, our lives oriented around the will and whims of the heavenly beings. Only in the past few hundred years have we been able to construct a reality where it’s plausible to doubt the existence or the effect of gods/God. It’s harder to believe in God then it used to be.

When my brother Matt was killed in by a drunk driver, you can probably imagine how angry at God I became for letting this happen. This was back in 2001, right after Christmas, in my late 20’s. I’d been a pastor for a few years, grown up in the church my dad pastored, and had gone to Christian school’s most of my life. For all my knowledge and love of God, I was decimated by this death. What kind of God lets this stuff happen? It’s hard to believe in God when life takes excruciating turns.

Looking back fifteen years later, I can see that at times it was my friends faith in God that carried me through those dark days, weeks, months, years. Sometimes you need your family and friends to believe for you. Sometimes the only way towards healing and hope is for your friends to hold on to faith on your behalf for awhile.

We see this in a New Testament story, retold by Mark in his gospel about Jesus Christ. paralytic-lowered-to-jesusIn this story a paralyzed man is lowered into Jesus’ presence through a hole cut in the roof; it is the attempt of friends to get their friend healed amidst the crowds amassed around the house where Christ is preaching. An astonished Jesus, wiping dust off his face and standing up as the paralyzed man comes down, looks up at the friends and sees their faith. He remarks, “Son, your sins are forgiven.” And then, to make a short story shorter, Jesus heals him.

Isn’t that fascinating? It’s the faith of the friends who carried the paralyzed man that made this moment possible. Maybe the paralyzed man protested the whole way there, pointing out the futility of their efforts, doubting God and depressed about his situation. But his friends didn’t give up on him. Or Jesus.

Are you feeling paralyzed? Are you doubting God’s existence, his goodness, his relevance? Are you wondering if your sins are forgivable? Are you wounded from the sins done to you? It may be that you need to let loving friends come around and carry you for awhile to get to a place of forgiveness and healing.

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Maybe you’re in a dark place, kind of like where I was after my brother was killed, and you’re not sure what to do next, not sure what to believe anymore. If you have any strength left to pray, pray for God to send you a friend who can believe for you, and help you find healing and hope again. And if you don’t know if you can pray that prayer, let me know if it’s okay if I pray it for you.

I don’t know what’s next for you, but following the forgiveness and healing of the paralyzed man, the people were amazed and praised God, saying “We have never seen anything like this!” It reminds me of the old hymn Amazing Grace“Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me; I once was lost, but now am found, was blind, but now I see.” May amazing grace find you and the faith of your friends carry you – not because you believe in it or deserve it, but because you are loved.

And if you’re the friend with faith, stay faithful.

When Compassion Complicates Your Life

In my six months with the YMCA, and in my twenty years as a pastor, I’ve had many people come to me needing compassion. And it’s always complicated my life. I recently had a young man come up to our fifth floor suite looking for money to alleviate his hunger. Not too long ago I took a phone call from a woman needing money for temporary lodging. My compassionate response has complicated my life.

irresistable_revolution_zondervan_largeA Christian minister among the poor of Philadelphia, Shane Claiborne, once remarked that when the poor ask us for help, we are obligated to do something- but we are not always obligated to give them what they ask for.

Sometimes we can’t give what they ask for, sometimes we shouldn’t. But I think the Christian response is always to give them compassion. And that complicates our life. Sometimes it would be easier to just give them what they ask for – $20 for food, $200 for a weeks worth of lodging and some bus fare, but more for convenience than compassion.

Jesus is known for his compassion for the poor and diseased, the disabled and possessed. Already, in the stories from the gospel according to Mark we’ve seen how the healing ministry of Jesus complicates his life.

In the last story of the first chapter, a leper comes up to Jesus, gets down on his knees and pleads with Jesus, “If you are willing, you can make me clean.” The older English translations read that Jesus, filled with compassion, “reached out his hand and touched the man.” Newer English translations read that Jesus was indignant. Either way, Jesus responds by touching an untouchable, and declares “I am willing; be clean!”

jesus-heals-leperEven though Jesus sent him away with a strong warning to not tell anyone about the healing, even though Jesus sent him with clear instructions to go to the priest in order to offer the proper sacrifices, despite all that – the healed man ran around town blabbing his mouth about all Jesus had done for him.

What’s so bad about that, you ask? Well, it resulted in Jesus getting ganged up on by crowds wanting healed, he couldn’t hang out in town, and he ended up escaping into the wilderness to rest and pray. But, even out there in the forlorn desert the people sought him out. Compassion complicates.

Jesus came to proclaim the gospel in word and deed – he had a message he preached about the coming of the kingdom of God – and he had a message he demonstrated through healing and feasting with outcasts. Sometimes the people who were healed complicated Jesus’ work to preach; sometimes Jesus’ work of preaching complicated his work of healing.

Because his work was full of compassion, Jesus’ life got complicated: he missed meals and ended up homeless, he was misunderstood and slandered, he was taken advantage of and betrayed.

But what’s the alternative for Jesus – for us? If we withhold our compassion, we might make our life more convenient, we might keep greater control over our schedule and finances, we might be able to keep our hands cleaner…. But can we be Jesus if we withhold compassion?

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Imagine how your home, your workplace, your church, your neighborhood might be slowly transformed if you and some family and friends became more open to the needs you see around you and became more willing to offer compassion to outcasts in the way of Jesus?

What if the prayerful courage to be present and compassionate prevailed in your life over the hesitancy to get involved and the fear of complicating an already complicated life?

And what if the compassion that complicates your life is part of God’s healing work in your own soul? It may be that the messiness of compassion becomes a moment to trust God more with your schedule, your budget, your safety, your life.

mother-teresaYes, compassion may complicate your life. But it is how Jesus heals.

Who in your life are you resisting giving compassion to? Why?

Consider submitting it to the Lord, and be attentive to what he would have you do next – to how he would have us offer compassion in the way of Jesus.