Tag: Be Present

HALLELUJAH: the YMCA, a War, a Song

[I wrote this note during the 13 hour flight from Dubai to Chicago during which I also watched a documentary: “Hallelujah: Leonard Cohen, a Journey, a Song” which unexpectedly resonated with me. I wove some of it into my writing and reflections on being with some YMCA Holy Land leaders and being forced to flee due to war.]

A discordant note was struck that did not please the Lord nor me as our plane began its descent into Tel Aviv.

At first we thought it was just some minor discord, but then we saw on the news the fourth and fifth wave of rockets by the thousands, and we knew it was something major.

Though we landed safely we lost our luggage. Soon we would find we had lost something more, not just us – but the whole Holy Land, tied now to a chair of chaos which will cut off the plans we had made.

The driver sent by Dimitri to take us to our lodging for our YMCA friendship tour informed us that it was no longer safe to enter or stay at Field of the Shepherd’s YMCA in Beit Sahour, located in the West Bank.

Instead we would go right away to the Jerusalem International YMCA (JIY) There our luggage was supposed to be delivered in a few hours and we could also catch our breath and get some updates on what was actually going on.

And catch up on correspondence. I would spend many hours writing mostly quick update responses to many friends, colleagues and family, as well as lengthier notes when needed, as well as writing content on social media.

Already on the detour to West Jerusalem my mind started musing on the many writing opportunities that these experiences will likely generate.

“I am a man of discipline. But a writer is deeply conflicted. And it’s in his work that he reconciles those deep conflicts. And he doesn’t set the world in order, he doesn’t really change anything, he is just a kind of harbor.”

Leonard Cohen

Peter Nasir is the CEO of the East Jerusalem YMCA (EJY) a Palestinian Christian led organization that primarily ministers to Palestinian Muslim youth and their families.

Along with their Beit Sahour location, they have a highly respected Vocational Training School in Jericho started in 1948, a beautiful gym & swim facility in Ramallah, and their headquarters in East Jerusalem. They also support YMCA work in Gaza.

Peter’s grandfather had been CFO at JIY when the 1948 war erupted, and he was forced from his home and work, along with tens of thousands of other Christian and Muslim Palestinians into the Jericho wilderness.

Mr. Nasir stayed instead of flying away to safety in another country, he and four other Y workers began organizing food and shelter, then education and healthcare, then sports and vocational training for the displaced youth who had become refugees in their homeland.

75 years later Peter is following in the footsteps of his grandfather and father, staying in his homeland putting Christian principles into practice that build up a healthy spirit, mind, and body with justice and peace for all.

I heard the sorrow in his voice when he called me during our detour from Tel Aviv to the Y in West Jerusalem, I heard his weariness and frustration fueled also by being trapped in Jordan, having finished some business there, he was not allowed to enter Israel to go home to his family because of the rockets launched from Gaza.

I could also hear the concern in his voice for our safety, we had come explicitly to visit with him and his YMCA leaders. Now, not only was he kept from being with us, we were being kept from being with his Y coworkers.

Peter called his friend Fadi Suidan, a Palestinian Christian who is the CEO of JIY, asking if he would host our group for at least the night, at least until our luggage was delivered, or until the situation calms down. Fadi graciously received us, but also gravely warned us to make plans now to return home, “this is the worse violence I’ve ever seen in my life” he said, “nobody, and I mean nobody saw this coming, and it will get worse than we can imagine. You must return home.”

We were stunned. And exhausted after 24 hours of travel. We decided to check into our rooms, get some rest and maybe in the evening we will be refreshed, have more clarity of mind, maybe the situation would have calmed down and our lost luggage would have been delivered.

We were quickly learning that whatever plans we were setting, something always happened that changed them. We became a little cynical about making plans, realizing that they’d probably get changed in unexpected ways.

But something shifted in our hearts. We began to make plans with more hope and trust that God would bring something good and healing out of the unexpected situations we would end up in despite our plans. This heart-shift for our team on Saturday was strengthened when I read this note from Abby Rogers: “Tim… you and your team were appointed to be there for this moment and even though we couldn’t see why lean in.” I shared that encouraging word on Monday morning with our little team of five: for how many more days we have left, let’s lean in and believe we were meant to be here.

We hadn’t even gotten in our rooms yet Saturday and Fadi asked us if we could take three YMCA Denmark graduate students under our wing; they had been traveling In Galilee when the war started, and they were not allowed to return to the Y in Beit Sahour where they had been staying, so Peter asked Fadi to take care of them, to which he said yes, then asked us to help him take care of them, to which we leaned in.

Our time with Sebastian, Nicolai and Louise transformed us, and long story short we joined them (and many others) in their complicated seemingly-impossible efforts to get them home, and it was a tearful but joyful farewell when they left JIY; our hearts soared when Louise texted that they had landed safely at home.

In a note to YMCA leaders with USA, Europe, Denmark, and the Holy Land providing some additional insights and questions from the students in their efforts to get home, I wrote them this reflection after the students departed from our presence:

“Thought you might enjoy these joy-full pics of Fadi with Louise, Nicolai and Sebastian, and a pic of them with some of our team. Fadi and I were like proud uncles as we embraced them goodbye and made them promise to let us know when they get home! War brought us together, the Y made us One.”

And so many other stories emerged one after another, opportunities to minister with the other global JIY guests still there, to encourage, listen, empathize, counsel, pray, and even evoke some smiles and laughter.

My friend Don sent me a screenshot of a note from the Israeli national airline El Al that they were offering specials flights to quickly get as many people out of Israel that needed evacuation. I shared it with JIY guests we met from England that were despairing of finding tickets. Each day they looked more dejected. Our ministering to them began to feel a bit empty.

I asked them if they had a travel agent, or if any friends had one to recommend. Individuals were struggling to book tickets. I’d shared with them how YUSA was taking care of us with the travel agency they use. They didn’t go for that idea. But then I shared the text from Don with them, hoping it helped. They dismissed it, saying they’d already tried El Al.

The next day I saw them at breakfast, they looked so relieved – they’d booked flights on El Al! Success! We celebrated together and soaked up the relief of how God provides. We saw them in the Tel Aviv airport Wednesday night, they also had a flight to Dubai, just a few hours after us. As we stood up to leave Marian jumped up to give me the biggest longest hug, “I love you all, thank you for everything”

One morning we befriended a lovely Egyptian couple who had emigrated to Canada many years ago. They also were feeling helpless. Our group listened as she vented, her country seemed to be doing nothing to help them.

We were thankful that our US Embassy and our US Congressman Jim Banks had been in contact with us. So just letting her talk out all the obstacles they were facing. We sat there with her in it. It made us thankful for Jim’s staffer Sarah who called me to personally promise: “Tim, the US State Department is your friend. We will do anything needed to help you. Just ask.”

We wondered out loud if she and her husband could record a video and post it on Facebook, then tag the Canadian government and national broadcast company to get attention to their flightless plight. They poo-pooed it, they weren’t tech savvy and wouldn’t know how.

Later during breakfast we saw them huddled over their phone trying to record a video! Juwan is techy, so he went over to their table and offered to help. Over an hour later they had recorded a video, helped them create a Facebook account, then posted the video with a bunch of tags to government and media organizations! Wouldn’t you know, it worked! They got interviewed by multiple media companies and got the help they needed to book flights! Hallelujah! It was a joy to embrace them as they departed JIY with hope.

On Monday I wrote this note to my family:

“Just wanted to let you know this morning I am still safe here at the Jerusalem International YMCA. I woke up this morning to a text from Eli with verses from Psalm 25. It was perfect. I read the whole Psalm to my team as we finished breakfast. It was perfect. Then a woman from Finland came over and asked us to pray for her safe travel home today. She was nervous. So we circled up and prayed for her, inspired by Psalm 25. And then when we were in the YMCA tower helping play the noon bells sirens sounded warning of rockets about to hit in the outskirts of Jerusalem. We went to the basement for shelter. I went around comforting people, then our team circled up to pray, and a woman from England joined our group. She really needed that moment with us. Then we went upstairs when it was safe. We were able to support some students w YMCA Denmark and confirm last minute emergency transportation to get home. An answer to prayer. I called your mom. Now I’m checking in with you. And then I’ll head down to see who else we can pray with. Please keep praying for me. And our team. And the YMCA. And the families in the Holy Land.”

Here is the verse my son Eli sent me:

“Guard my life and rescue me; do not let me be put to shame, for I take refuge in you. May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope, Lord, is in you. Deliver Israel, O God, from all their troubles!”

Psalms 25:20-22 NIV

Each day felt like a week. So much would happen.

We would end each evening sitting together at the round tables on the lighted JIY stone patio, remembering the day, all the unplanned experiences, sorting out what had been hard that day, but also celebrating all that was good.

We would also start our days together talking at breakfast, smirking as we would make plans, chuckling in anticipation at what unplanned experiences God had for us!

We discussed at length as a team what it meant to be here in a land that had declared war. Each of us recounted the kinds of messages we were getting from friends and family who were rightly worried about us, based on what they were maybe seeing or reading from the news.

But we also had Fadi and Peter telling us: the JIY is a safe place, the whole community, Jew, Muslim and Christian will protect their YMCA. Their legacy of loving, caring and serving amidst complexity since the 1870’s is extraordinary.

And we truly felt safe at the Jerusalem International YMCA. The staff calmly and confidently took care of us, being candidly honest about what it is like to be a Palestinian Christian living in Jerusalem and being a Y leader.

It’s a sacred calling. Which only strengthened our resolve: what an honor to be appointed by God to be in solidarity with the JIY and EJY leaders during war.

We went to the Holy Land to explicitly build up friendships, to experience the holy sites as a way to renew our faith in Jesus Christ, and grow as a Y professional. Ironically we only scheduled two hours in our ten days to be with Fadi at the JIY, the whole trip was organized with Peter and his EJY team: in the end we never saw Peter and his team; we spent all our time with Fadi at JIY.

That was not what we had planned. Peter was trapped outside of his homeland, the EJY trapped in their hometown. Each day we would call or text Peter: are you home yet, how is your family, how are you doing. It wasn’t lost on us that both Peter and I were striving with all our being to get home to hold our loved ones, and that I was going to probably get home before him.

So we kept checking in on each other, praying for God’s blessing, protection and provision. Though we never met each other face to face, Dimitri graciously arranged for all the drivers we needed, including on Sunday to retrieve our list luggage which had eventually made it to Tel Aviv. A true blessing amidst chaos.

“Leonard closed his 2009 tour with an emotional concert on September 29th at the Ramat Gan Stadium near Tel Aviv, it was three days after his 75th birthday. Leonard made a plea for Israeli-Palestinian reconciliation, then raised his hands and gave the priestly benediction: ‘My dear friends, May the Lord bless you and guard you, May the Lord make His face shed light upon you and be gracious unto you. May the Lord lift up his face and give you peace. Shalom.’”

Leonard Cohen

On Tuesday we experienced an unplanned blessing: Tewfic and Ghada stopped by to visit with my team. I’d met them in 2020 and 2022 through the YMCA OnPrinciple program that brings YMCA leaders to the Holy Land to meet the Y leaders here, build up adaptive leadership strategy on putting Christian principles into practice, and renew the roots of our faith in Christ Jesus.

Tewfic and Ghada are Palestine Christians with a powerful testimony. For their part they started Holy Land Pilgrimage Touring Company to bring Christians around the world to connect with Christ and fellow Palestinian Christians. A way to plant seeds of reconciliation, justice and shalom that illuminates, inspires, but can also disrupt.

Once we finished listening to their powerful stories of life in Palestine, they graciously offered to walk us to the Church of the Holy Sepulcher. Our entire itinerary had been cancelled, and we’d seen no holy sites.

Tewfic was a delightful guide, introducing us to his many friends in the Old City, treating us to some coffee and ice cream from his Franciscan friends, even taking us into Casa Nova for a rooftop view of the Old City! He was so knowledgeable as we walked through the Church of the Holy Sepulcher, the timing was perfect: we actually go to go in and see the enclosed tomb – there was NO line! That never happens! As soon as we stepped out of that holy resurrection space, a long line had emerged.

Another additional surprise: I got to see Victor, our beloved 2022 tour guide! It was an awesome reunion.

Being in the Church of the Holy Sepulcher can be difficult for some American Christians, the cross-cultural and multi-ethnic dynamics infused by various Eastern church denominations often makes the space seem an obstacle to spiritual inspiration. But my observation: people are people, and if it was Baptists, Pentecostals, Mennonite’s, Lutherans and Methodists sharing the sacred space where we believe Jesus was crucified, buried and resurrected, I’m fairly certain there’d be the same divisive contention.

No need to be smug. Christians aren’t better people because we are Christians. If anything, in Christ we are now more honest about what is broken, darkest and discordant within us. And we see that in many Christians in every denomination and land; if anything the Church of the Holy Sepulcher only increases our faith in Jesus: we must trust him to answer his own Garden of Gethsemane prayer written in John 17, believing he has already grace-fully factored in our perpetual revenge, begrudging antagonisms, bitter anger and violent bigotry.

Jesus already wept over Jerusalem and the broken hallelujahs of his people; he then got up and did something about it.

There were many spiritual highs and lows at the Jerusalem International YMCA.

Upon our arrival Fadi took us to the foundation of the beautifully iconic JIY tower, which has a small chapel. In it is an altar made of twelve stones, inspired by the promise of God to his people when they crossed the Jordan River. It also has on the walls four stunning stone reliefs depicting images of quarreling brothers who reconcile so that God can hear their prayers of “Hallelujah!”

On our final day Fadi invited our team to climb the stairs to the very top of the tower, where there is a round chapels with a cupola with these beloved words of the prophet Isaiah that we read out loud and reflected on together:

“…but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

Isaiah 40

There we circled up on prayer, including two women we met from Florida who are stuck at JIY for another week. We slowly prayed through the Lord’s Prayer, letting it be an improvisational guide for our broken cries of hallelujah and deliverance, for God’s kingdom to come, for righteous justice and merciful peace to prevail, for forgiveness of our sins as we forgive those who sin against us, and that God would bring Peter home too, that Fadi’s family would be safe too, and that in the midst of madness and war, the YMCAs of the Holy Land would be a beacon of faith, hope and love through our Christian presence.

It was such a powerful time together we hurried down to the carillon room and Fadi pounded out inspiring Christian hymns that rang across the Jerusalem streets, a defiant melody of hallelujah in a broken land at war. We descended then to finalize preparations for our departure. This also did not go as planned for me, fortunately. I thought I had six hours of silence and solitude, which I intended to use napping, reading, praying, journaling and going for a run. Two out of five aren’t bad!

The final unplanned surprise was a visit with Aviva who I befriended in my 2020 OnPrinciple visit. She happened to catch me as I returned from my afternoon run. It was so good to see her! I’m inspired by her love for the Jerusalem International YMCA. As a Jew who grew up in a very religious home, she brings wise and perceptive observations to not only what is broken in the Holy Land, but thoughtful strategies on building up a healing way forward. We talked about leading in the midst of impossible situations, somehow being drawn/called by God into chaotic complexities, taking what we care about and seeking to nudge forward new ways that could have transformative effects.

“Courage is what others can’t see, what is never affirmed. It is made of what you have thrown away and then gone back for.”

Leonard Cohen

Still more I could write….I’ll try to end with this: the many, many messages of love and support, the thousands of prayers: they truly carried me, my wife, our team, our YMCAs in the Holy Land.

Thank you for the care, the reaching out, the encouragement for me and our team, it meant the world to us especially being on the other side of it in a nation gone to war.

My primary goal was to get my team home safely ASAP, which required me to lean on many other leaders to ensure it all worked out. Suzanne, Abby, Sian, Dina: you came through for us, and I’ll be eternally grateful. Truly we are better together.

Which is why, Lord willing, there will be a time when I return to be with my friends. Why? Well it’s why we ventured forth in the first place. When I met Peter Nasir in 2020 and heard some of his story, I was profoundly moved. And feeling helpless, wondering: what do I do with this, that which I can’t unexperience, I can’t unknow it. So I asked Peter what I could do, just one person from my Fort Wayne, Indiana YMCA. I’ll never forget his direct and sincere response: “Could we be friends?” And I was taken aback: that seems so simple, almost too simple. But doable.

So I committed there and then to be a good friend to Peter, whatever that might mean. I did worry though, would he laugh at my dad-jokes, could he put up with my pesky optimism, would my occasional Instagram memes get annoying? Too bad, eh?!

We are still building that friendship. He took time to spend a week with me in October 2022 to visit over a hundred of my friends in the Fort Wayne YMCA and community. I really wanted more of my peers to meet him, hear his story, and prayerfully consider what it means to courageously be in solidarity with a brother in Christ who is a Palestinian leading YMCAs in the Holy Land.

This trip in October 2023 was for me a friendship tour, an opportunity to take more of my Fort Wayne friends to go meet Peter. Even though almost none of our plans actually played out, the main purpose did prevail: our friendships are stronger than ever.

I don’t know what is next for my friendship with Fadi and Peter. I hope they’ll let me come back soon with more friends! If they do, maybe we can plan to sing hallelujah together in the chapels, on the carrilion, and around tables with broken bread and cups of wine.

Maybe there’s a God above

And all I ever learned from love

Was to shoot at someone who outdrew me

And it’s not a cry you can hear at night

It’s not somebody who’s seen the light

It’s a cold and it’s a broken hallelujah…

Leonard Cohen

I praise God for this opportunity to be broken.

I praise God for showing up to minister through us.

I praise God for my team that trusted me and traveled with me, that let me lead them to the Holy Land, and then lead them home from a place of war.

I praise God for allowing us to be Christ’s presence in the Jerusalem International YMCA, part of my heart is still there…

I praise God for all who came along us to love, care and serve so we could get home safely.

I praise God for my wife and children who prayed for me, for my family that is foundational to me.

I praise God for transforming all our plans into something we literally would never have asked for or imagined.

I praise God for being with us in the darkness, in the chaos, in the tragedy, in the suffering, in the sobs, in the brokenness….

I did my best, it wasn’t much

I couldn’t feel, so I tried to touch

I’ve told the truth, I didn’t come to fool ya

And even though it all went wrong

I’ll stand before the

Lord of song

With nothing on my tongue but hallelujah

Leonard Cohen “Hallelujah”

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

EPILOGUE:

“You look around and you see a world that is impenetrable, that cannot be made sense of, you either raise your fist, or you say hallelujah. I try to do both.”

Leonard Cohen

What’s Wrong With Christianity in the YMCA?

…I could go on, my point being that Christianity is a critiqueable religion, it invites criticism, it requires self-critique, it ought to be critiqued. Obviously Christ Jesus could handle it without getting defensive or sullen…. So what’s a way forward for Christians in the YMCA who are sensitive to the realities of self-criticism but also yearn to follow Christ Jesus as faithfully as possible in this world?

What’s wrong with Christianity in the Y? Christians, of course!

All the complaints and frustrations and hurts and even injustices experienced in the Y via Christians is less about Christianity and more about actual people stumbling and bumbling, sometimes being mean jerks and leaving wounds in their path.

But Christianity as a religion is not above reproach; there is plenty to criticize.

Interestingly, embedded within Christianity is a vibrant tradition of self-critique.

The Hebrew Scriptures and tradition are a formative foundation for Christianity. Have you ever read the Torah? It’s full of robust self-critique. The Psalms? David is brutal on himself, as he ought to be. The Prophets – Isaiah, Jeremiah, Amos, Micah and the others evoke powerful lyrics of self-critique regarding the children of Israel, God’s people.

Christianity is ideally built on the commands of Christ Jesus, a religion of cruciform love that includes devastating self-critique. Jesus’ first sermon required self-critique to understand it and accept it: “repent, for the Kingdom of God is come near.”

I could go on, my point being that Christianity is a critiqueable religion, it invites criticism, it requires self-critique, it ought to be critiqued.

Obviously Christ Jesus could handle it without getting defensive or sullen.

If you pay close enough attention to Christianity, you’ll notice most of its literature is either grounded in self-criticism or a response to it.

Almost all of Paul’s epistles include critique of sin in the early churches, and him responding to critics of him and his ministry. Augustine’s Confessions is the longest prayer in recorded history, all of it grounded in a searing self-critique that also soars with redemptive eloquence.

Martin Luther is famous for his 95 critiques of the church; the whole Protestant Christian tradition is founded on the premise of self-criticism!

When it comes to the world criticizing Christianity, whether people of various faith traditions, or political or secular, most of it is probably warranted, and ought to be taken seriously. Whatever the critiques are, they probably already echo the self-criticism that is already being generated.

Christianity gets a triple whammy when it comes to criticism (this is not about garnering sympathy): there is the self-criticism that is foundational to our religion, there is the criticism of the world, and there is the omnipresent Scriptural critique of God. Yikes!

Add to this the perfection we see modeled in our founder, the Lord Jesus Christ of Nazareth. According to our traditions, he is 100% human and 100% God, without sin in any way, though fully tempted in every way. That’s the standard set before Christians!

Obviously every single Christan who has ever lived never came close to perfectly following his commands. It’s obvious to fellow Christians, the world, and God.

This then points to the painfully obvious fact that churches are even worse examples, as the sinfulness of the congregants tends to mestatisize over time, despite the best of intentions (the law of entropy is always at work…).

It’s a glum picture, for sure.

So what’s a way forward for Christians in the YMCA who are sensitive to the realities of self-criticism but also yearn to follow Christ Jesus as faithfully as possible in this world?

1. Humility is crucial for moving forward. The willingness to lament where mistakes were made, to listen well, the openness to confession and repentance are essential realities of becoming a Christian in the first place, it’s the narrow way of receiving the Good News, of experiencing Jesus drawing near to the lost and broken-hearted.

2. Mutuality is key to our hearing and receiving critique. The broken relationships are what necessitates criticism, an unmooring of mutuality is both a cause of critique and can also undermine the ability to receive it in love and wisdom. A resilient commitment to seeing diverse and often divisive Christian’s as brothers and sisters in Christ fuels our capacity to immerse ourselves in self-critique for the sake of reconciliation and future fellowship.

3. Obedience is also foundational to our engaging in rigorous and thorough self-criticism. Jesus says this many ways, different versions of: “my new command is this, you must love one another as I have loved you.” This is an impossible standard to meet on any kind of consistent basis. Its an inspiring command that also opens everyone to criticism for all the ways they fall short. Yet this also can reframe our self-criticism as a form of love, rather then vipurative complaints of victimization.

Christian principles in the YMCA, for example, ought to excel at self-criticism – in the way of love, humility, obedience. When the world criticizes us then, we ought to take it in stride, absorbing all that is true within it and lovingly, humbly, faithfully, penitently, and in mutuality, do better. And so on principle the cycle continues…

Unfortunately within Christianity are many different dimensions of diversity that mistrust and misunderstand each other, abuse and abandon one another, disregard and defame, shun and excommunicate.

The prayer of Jesus in John 17 seems less and less likely of ever being answered, “…that they all may be one…”

The world does Christians a favor when they critique us, when they criticize our sins and shortcomings, our self-righteous protesting and prejudicing.

They remind us of our need to repent and abide in Christ Jesus, to confess our sins to one another and make amends as much as we are able.

The prayer of Jesus that we might be one gets resisted by humans; it can only be made real in us through the actual presence of Christ at work through us.

Our humility, mutuality with Christ Jesus and our obedience is our experience of redemption and the ground upon which we stand to do the ministry of reconciliation work we are called to participate in.

How could this play out in the Young Men’s Christian Association? What could be a way forward for Christianity in the YMCA in light of what is wrong with us?

When members and staff criticize, the opportunity is laid before us as Christian’s to hear it in humility, to respond out of mutuality, a sense of urgency and duty as promised in the terms of membership and employment as well as in the realities of being an association. And underneath that for Christians is the command to respond with loving patience and kindness.

When Christians make prejudiced remarks about each other, instead of letting the deragatorive comment go unchallenged, gently find a way to turn a corner with then and open up a space for more gracious humility towards brothers and sisters in Christ that you disagree with politically, economically, socially, racially, ethnically, etc.

When disagreements are emerging between people in a board meeting about the role of religion one must be attentive to the power dynamics in the room, the trauma that’s likely been experienced due to participation in a faith community, and lack of skills in forging ecumenical or interfaith collaborations.

The more pluralist our community becomes, the more investment is needed in mutual understandings, humble respectfulness to what you don’t understand, and patient dialogue that flows from the command to love one another including your “enemies.”

This means having the courage to be present in the moment, the tensions, the misunderstandings but also the hopes for a faith and love that truly heals, that are part of the answer to Jesus’ own prayer, “that they all may be one.”

“My prayer is not for them alone.

I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you.

May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me.

I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one— I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity.

Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.”

Jesus’ Prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane, Gospel of John‬ ‭17‬:‭20‬-‭23‬ ‭NIV‬‬

What Are You Waiting For?

But my waiting on God in all of this is not passive. Nor frantic. It doesn’t need to be stoic or anxious. It can be a way of participatory readiness, doing what seems to be good, true, just and beautiful while also always cultivating attentiveness to a prompting of the Lord to go, do, say, be, love.

What are you waiting for?

I’ve been waiting fifteen years for my tiny magnolia tree to finally have many beautiful blooms!

Whether it’s our heart’s deepest desires or merely life’s little blessings, what are you waiting for to happen?

Surely it’s obvious our culture has ruined waiting.

Yet here we are, mired in irritating impatience at the impossibly unsolvable situations with no real resources for how to wait.

Waiting sounds weak.

It sounds like you are being passive, lazy, apathetic, indifferent, giving up.

But then considering how many people are tired of being so busy, who feel guilty taking a break, who are being worn down by the incessant demands of work and family and community, etc…

How is waiting a viable option in the face of the evil injustices that plague our world, the sins we commit against each other, and the uncorrected mistakes which exponentially increase unpleasant experiences?

Sure, there is certainly a level of urgency that is required for the crises that come up in our life. It’s just that now there always seems to be a chronic crisis in some part of our life such that we are always “on” to solve, fix, address, stop, improve, restore, etc.

The heart of my ministry in the YMCA is premised on strengthening the presence of Christ in our branches and association with our staff and members.

These past seven years have been an ongoing experiment in how to practically do this, how to explain and invite others into being the presence of Christ in the YMCA.

My doctoral dissertation was rooted in this work, out of all that I learned, the most transformative is the trust that Christ Jesus is already fully present in the Y, already and always at work in the life of each individual, fulfilling the promises made “to be with us always until the very end.”

This posture does a couple of things for me: it encourages me – Christ is alive and at work! Whew!

It inspires me with curiosity- I wonder what Jesus is up to today. I wonder what he wants me to see today, and what he wants me to do with what I see.

It fuels confidence and courage: since Jesus cares for all even more than I do (way, way, way more…), I’m already open to how I might be the heart and hands, ears, and tears of Christ to someone – which takes courage to be vulnerable, open, real, and present.

Like anyone else I get busy with stuff, I can end up avoiding people and conflicts and focus on stuff where I can feel high-control, productive, and drama-free.

But what I consider the best days are when amidst whatever is going on that day, whether a long to-do list, back to back to back meetings or complex problems to solve yesterday, underneath it all, through it all is waiting, a readiness, an openness that in every personal encounter I experience there is an attentiveness to what Christ is doing and the invitation on how to participate.

At one level it might just look like being a nice person all day. Of being patient and kind to everyone. Of being caring, honest, respectful and responsible. But then I think we are all quite aware of how this all both seems in short supply these days AND how much effort we individually have to put into being loving ESPECIALLY when we are tired, frustrated, and annoyed at others in the room.

No one ever really can know the work you put into showing up with compassion and diligence. They just know when you don’t.

For Christians in the YMCA we have within us and always around us the real living presence of Jesus to guide us, sustain us, and lead us forward towards what is good, true, just, and beautiful.

It’s not always apparent – usually big decisions get boiled down to budgets, expediency, or strong personalities.

In those meetings, if we can be aware and attentive enough, we can be waiting for the Same Spirit of God that was upon/with Jesus to be upon/with us.

In the mornings we can wait as a way to start the day, purposefully carving out space in our schedules to be still, silent, in solidarity with Jesus and his Word for us, his Will for the moment, his Warmth: it’s all going to be okay.

In the afternoons we can wait. In the evening. As we tuck ourselves into bed.

Waiting becomes a posture, an attitude, a perspective, a form of trust: is God here, is God doing anything, is God going to come through for me, is God good?

We mostly know what life can be like when we are not waiting on God. Or if we do ever wait on God, we know what it’s like to do so impatiently, irritated, angry, frustrated, hurt, feeling abandoned and betrayed.

Jesus had difficulty waiting on God in the Garden of Gethsemane on the night he was handed over to be crucified for trumped up crimes. There were tears of blood as he prayed in silence and solitude, alone in the dark.

What are you waiting for God to do?

Could be a lot of things. Probably mostly big things. Maybe some little things too.

Waiting is not easy. Especially in our culture addicted to busyness and convenience, to immediate satisfaction and next-day delivery.

Waiting is a spiritual practice to be practiced, cultivated, attended to, prayerfully engaged, desired, wanted, courageously embraced.

Waiting is not for the weak-willed and thin-skinned.

What is waiting? I’m still learning. These days I’m reading and meditating and being mentored by Christian leaders such as Kierkegaard and Barth, by Ruth Haley Barton and Henri Nouwen, by Andrew Root and Hannah Arendt, Simone Weil and Albert Camus, St Augustine and St Paul. And others. So much to learn from those who have waited before us, who have wisdom to share with us, who waited amidst greater suffering, maybe more doubt, yet they too learned to wait.

What am I waiting for? What am I waiting for God to do for me, with me, to me, through me.

I used to have lots of preferences and aspirations, hopes and fears that fueled what I wanted God to do. As one gets older and life plays itself out, resignation and despair can creep in, cynicism and grief can harden the heart.

But since I was a teenager I’ve always prayed for wisdom and to be full of the Holy Spirit. To be honest, I feel like I’m still waiting on God to answer that prayer.

And there are other personal and professional aspirations I am waiting for God to address, do something about, fix, heal, bless, etc.

But my waiting on God in all of this is not passive. Nor frantic. It doesn’t need to be stoic or anxious. It can be a way of participatory readiness, doing what seems to be good, true, just, and beautiful while also always cultivating attentiveness to a prompting of the Lord to go, do, say, be, and love.

So much more could be said, so I will close with this encouragement to the YMCA and the Church: it’s all about being with people, that is our “why” so go patiently and kindly be with the real people in your midst (real annoying, real stupid, real genius, real amazing, etc).

As you go be with all the people you find yourself surrounded by or sent to, put into practice all that Jesus has taught you about his way of being in the world.

Always be open and ready with whoever you are with to what new and beautiful and refreshing act of transformation God might be cultivating, the waiting is part of your transformation, which prepares you for nourishing it ever so gently and grace-fully in others.

Do all of this in trust of our good Father, the Son who saves and heals and rescues, and the Same Spirit through which we can bear fruit like love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and temperance.

And for those who will wait and trust, you will end up being the heart and hands, the ears and tears of Jesus who is always with us to the very end.

So what are you waiting for!